TLDR: The inspiration behind and performance of a poem about falling in love, “Trust Fall”
0. The Performance
Contents:
Backstory of “Trust Fall”
Text of “Trust Fall”
Final and Future Musings
1. Backstory of “Trust Fall”
I’'ll cut straight to the meat:
In April, I was dying, and by May, I was falling in love.
See the thing about being on your death bed: it gets you to the point where you make a deal with god that, from here on out, you’re gonna be SO ALIVE that you’ll always be ready to die. God granted me that wish, and I never break my promises.
A couple weeks after returning to “normal life” after two severe hospitalizations, I went to a party and met a guy. One poem led to another, lean in lean in lean in until we begin we begin we begin The Fall.
(Now, before anyone starts getting their panties in a twist, let me clarify: I was FALLING— not IN. Falling, the glorious prelude.)
I was very comfortable writing my more lustful things, on that sexy R&B vibe that I stay on, you know that Mario “Crying Out for Me”, that Usher “Bad Girl”, that Aaliyah “Rock the Boat” type shit. Over time with this new boo thang, I began listening to the OTHER type of R&B— you know the kind I’m talkin bout, that Mario “Let Me Love You”, that Usher “U Got It Bad”, that Aaliyah “One in a Million” kinda track. UH OH UH OH UH OH UH OH oh nana
One night, I walked around Brooklyn listening to John Legend’s “Slow Cooker” for hours, feeling The Fall and admitting to myself: Yo, Usher is RIGHT— I DO got it bad. And it felt… DARING to admit this to myself. Edgy. Brave. I wanted to somehow encapsulate this sense of bravery I was experiencing as I let myself trust fall into The Fall without concern for (but still assuming full responsibility of) any and all consequences.
It was still too early to really broach this with this new paramour, though I had a feeling he felt similarly. I don’t know. I don’t really care. All I know is that this poem NAILED exactly what I was feeling, this sensation of having no idea what’s happening or what’s going to happen but I implicitly trust my ability to handle it for myself and my new boo. That “I GOT YOU, baby— Just give me your hand” kinda feel.
This poem was “written” with my literal body, originating through my movement and the vibrations through my vocal chords. So it is designed to be embodied aka “performed” live (I put “performed” in quotes because I want to be clear that I’m not faking SHIT when I share my poems— every word is alive and KICKING. As an audience, you’re witnessing my truth. Thank you.) This is why I don’t just post my poetry online— a lot of it isn’t meant to be read with the eyes. It’s meant to be heard through the ears and felt with the body, from mine to yours, truly <3.
I want to send this to you, my Musers, now to give you a taste of what I do when I’m on stage where I share these refractions of my passion. I let them surge through my entire body. They demand attunement from both me and my audience. I’m going to begin to share these love pieces as well as readings of them more and more under the “O-Zone” section of my page, which requires a paid subscription.
2. The Text
Trust Fall
I feel.
I’m feeling
I’m feeling so much.
I can’t stop feeling and
I just can’t stop feeling that
A fuck’s not gonna be enough…
So baby, tonight, lets make believe
And make love.
Hold me like you’ll never leave
Hold me like I’m all you need
Hold me like I’m what you breathe
Hold me like it’s all you’ve dreamed
Hold me close to you.
Kiss me, too.
Slow, tender, with your all
Kiss me so we surrender
Kiss me so we remember that we can fall
We can fall
And we don’t have to land.
We can just find freedom in our fall
And hold hands.
Watch me fall, free,
See me as I am
and I’ll touch you, baby.
And it’ll touch you, baby.
I’ll make believe
I love you, baby.
Give me your longing
And I’ll give you belonging.
I’ll feel the deepest part of you, baby.
I feel
I feel
I feel so much
And I just can’t help but feel
And I just can’t help but feel
That we’ll make-believe
Til we make love
Real.
3. Final and Future Musings
Sunday night, I was in a meditation when I suddenly began to cry. My body felt heavy. Somber. Not sad, exactly—just weighted with something real. It felt like reality sinking into me in a stone-cold, sobering way: the heft of birth, death, and everything in between.
It made me think about the profundity we create out of necessity—and how much love matters in making meaning.
That’s when this poem came to me. Not in the loud, impassioned way I performed it above, but quietly. Tenderly. Soft in a way I didn’t expect.
It was the first time my mind had ever uttered it like that.
And honestly, it’s only as I write this paragraph (I mean it—I didn’t plan to write any of this when I typed “Sunday night…”) that I’m seeing the connection between that moment and the poem.
We “make believe.”
That’s what art is—adult make believe.
But think about that: to make belief.
Belief shapes reality.
So we make believe.
We make love.
We make meaning.
And from this, we make reality.
That’s the integration: psychological, spiritual, and physical, all informing one another until, together, they make reality.
Next week, I’ll record this more tender version of this poem and share it on the O-Zone for subscribers. I’m curious to see how it lands (or maybe it doesn’t have to ;) )
xoxo
E